My bachelor party is fast approaching (April 1 - 3) and from what information I have been able to gather, it sounds like it’s going to be a fitting send off. I can only speculate on the cast of characters and the myriad possibilities for embarrassing moments and severe inebriation that will convene on that island. But speculate I will. I have spent allot of time with the boys throwing this party, and I think there are a few certainties I can count on:

• Andrew will scream and roll around uncontrollably! This is a certainty, given the amount of shit-talking comedy that’s going to take place. I just hope I’m there to touch his breast and calm him down…
• Sully will want to go swimming. It wouldn’t matter if we were on the North Pole, Mr. Sullivan loves his bodies of water with a disconcerting fervor.
• The music will be good. Nuff said. Did I hear that Andrew and Abram are bringing their guitars?
• Abram will start a fight. He’s so difficult to get along with anyway, and then you add alcohol to the mix and there’s bound to be a throw down!
• “Clicks” will form. It’s bound to happen. Certain people will have strong bonds with others who share a common thread and you will be able to see those people huddled together in the corner laughing at inside jokes and making snide remarks about the others in the room. In addition to usual clicks (”The Smokers”, “The Goths”, “The Nerds”, “The Jocks”), we’ll have some that are unique to our group. One’s that come to mind are “Sigur Ros Fans”, “German Car Guys” and “Those who will drink the beer at Boundary Bay, but never, ever eat their food again”.
• The food will be good. In the state we will be in, this won’t be hard to do.
• furious Phil will put the chizzler in his place. Go Chronic Evolved!
• Someone will pray to the porcelin god on average every 60 minutes. This average will rise when Brock and Smitty get there, and drop off when they leave, they just have this way about them!
• Willa will call me on average every 60 minutes. This will have to be regulated, my phone removed from my person and hidden away. I don’t want to be a victim of “drunk dailing”.
• After this weekend, I will crawl back into my bed wimpering for Willa to “make them stop”.

That does it. I think those things will definitely happen this weekend and I am powerless to stop it. I’m sure that’s just the beginning too. The rest will be unveiled this weekend. I gotta go now and get mentally prepared…