Chronic Evolved Poised For Victory
April 11th, 2005
A lineup change has occurred within the ranks of Chronic Evolved that have some members of the infamous Halo 2 clan wondering just when their magical ride is going to end. “I can’t believe it, we just keep winning!” said el Gato Gordo, the MVP of a recent Team Slayer match with Clan members. It looks like the good times are going to continue. Reports surfaced yesterday that the Overlord of Chronic Evolved promoted 3 of it’s members to Staff roles: punanniBoy, el Gato Gordo and Thirdi all recieved the honors. The Overlord wasn’t talking on the day of the move (it occurred late Sunday evening), but in a later interview he indicated the moves were made to bolster the teams chances on common clan match maps, Colossus and Burial Grounds, and to give the team a unified front line against their main rival: Zillionaires.
In an email interview today, the Overlord of Chronic Evolved, furious Phil, spoke candidly about those members of the clan deserving of the heightened responsibility. “If you look at the contributions these three have made to the Clan…it goes without saying, and, I mean yeah, I realized I haven’t been giving these guys the credit they were due.” When asked if the timing of the promotions had anything to do with the alleged attempts of the Zillionaires to recruit Chronic Evolved’s top guns, furious stated that “There were tensions there. I knew that some of my guys weren’t happy and that just doesn’t make for a fun Clan environment.” With his clan now solidly the odds on favorite for bragging rights, furious had this to say about his Clan’s chances in future Clan matches, “We are fo’ real bitches!”
Although the Zillionaires (0 - 0) and Chronic Evolved (1 - 10) have never met “officially” in battle (rumors are both Clans are holding out for a higher guarantee from promoters), they are far from strangers. Both Clans play together regularly, although the mixed-clan rumbles almost always end bitterly due to the Chronic players unorthodox style and the Zillionaires lack of patience for “cowboys”. One thing is for certain, the inevitable Clan match draws near and it’s looking like Chronic Evolved has done everything it can to set itself up for victory.
April 12th, 2005 at 7:38 am
After attempting to locate other clan members who have gone into hiding for security reasons, el gato gordo was found climbing out his back window, making a dash for his car, when we were able to ascertain him for questioning.
Question: How do you feel?
el gato: I little more paranoid than usual.
Question: With previous Team Pooh participation, will there be another clan forming in the future?
el gato: Team Pooh was merely a covert operation to shake up the Zillionaires for Chronic Evolved to make their moves accordingly.
Question: Covet or not, you can’t deny Team Pooh’s validity and possible sphere of influence that could occur.
el gato: Team Pooh is loyal to the clan and its victories were merely another strike against the Zillionaires.
Question: Do you have any comments on the attempt by the Zillionaires to steal away clan members?
el gato: We’re a strong clan, of course they would try and trade up.
Question: Will there be a clan match?
el gato: Probably not until Krusty gets a better connection.
Question: With tension up, do you expect the Zillionaires to show tonight, as last week they were a no show.
el gato: The Zillionaires will show, if not, we’ll know why. No more questions…
el gato gordo pulled a pixel perfect jump to his warthog and barreled away splattering some school children waiting for their bus. More information to come if we are able to locate other clan members during this turn of events. The bloodshed that will occur we can only pray it is not brought to our families and homes.
April 14th, 2005 at 8:40 am
All I have to say is that Lindi and I laughed our heads off at this when I read it aloud at work the other day. What freakin NERDS!!! To the extreme! Very funny and all, but do you realize this makes you sound like the kind of guys who play video games at those crazed tournaments and live off the winnings?? Anyway, it’s funny and strange.
April 14th, 2005 at 8:47 am
Oh my gosh, I can only hope to one day play video games for a living. Those guys (and girls?) that do that are like Gods…
April 14th, 2005 at 9:07 am
Maybe one day you can MAKE video games for a living, not play them, silly. That’s a little more secure way to make a living, don’t ya think?
April 15th, 2005 at 2:14 pm
If it’s a rumble you want Furious, it’s a rumble you’re gonna get! This is a turf war and Xbox Live is the Zillionaire’s stomping grounds. You and your clan are free to system link all you want, but when you step into the Live virtual world, you have to play by my rules.
To be honest, it’s no wonder certain members of your squad have been begging me to send them a Zillionaire clan invite with the way you treat your officers. What’s with your clan titles? Staff, member, peon… you don’t treat your kin, your brothers, the only people between you and a bullet, with the proper respect. No wonder they don’t ever level up. I mean, they’ve all been stuck at level 5 and 6 forever now, haven’t they. There’s no incentive.
There are many styles of leadership, but apparently you’ve only learned how to lead your troops into…
death.
April 15th, 2005 at 3:12 pm
You shattered my reality, my goal in life. Video games aren’t just a passive hobby, but a significant part of life and has imprinted the development of who I am right now. When I was five, playin’ my Atari 2600 with the b/w-color switch for games that still didn’t render in color very well on my crappy TV. What a step up it was to not have to use paddles, but a joystick with the optional ball top for ease of grip. Star commander came out and that ten key pad as the second controller helped me pilot the galaxy and keep it protected from those who sought to destroy it as you played quietly with Strawberry shortcake and rainbow brite, never suspecting the danger that sought to end your peaceful existence. And the never-ending empire strikes back game where you could never stop the ATATs from destroying the ice base power generator, even with the force as your guide. NES, rocked the world, with the track and field pad (benefits of exercise), Jr the Robot, duck hunt (right to bear arms), and the power glove which help me take down Tyson, the ear biter. Hours and hours or Super Mario and the negative worlds that you couldn’t get out of, but were fun because of the swimming. Contra missions with my brother to take down an evil empire, with spread fire, we worked it. Zelda keep me off the streets and prevented a life of petty crime and juvie hall, only if the street had gaming stations, they’d settle the dispute over a rousing game of dodge ball, Iceland ruled. Altered beast and Shinobi on the genesis, how mature it was compared to Nintendo’s kid games, but you had to keep all game platforms, as there was rarely a cross platform game. It had three buttons, not two, how superior of a system. The blood codes for Mortal Komat, I didn’t have to punch quarters at the arcade and expose myself to potential kidnapping and sexual torture, I had it at home, always used the blood codes for full arcade effect. The cage nut-crushing move was key to ending scorpions reign. Man…I could go on forever on this as I still haven’t hit the Saturn, Dreamcast, GameBoy, Neo-geo, Playstation 1 & 2, and Xbox. Getting to the point, Life is A Video Game a live RGP with real time fighting, crying, sky-diving, evil-fighting and ninja stealth assassinations. Your brain is the controller and your body the platform and the outside world the game of life. Just as you have a learning curve with dual analog and double triggers, as a baby, your mind had to learn to control itself. You couldn’t walk around without trying really hard, but with time and hours put in, you walk without effort. There was probably a brief adjustment time to learn to drive (if you played vids it would have been shorter), but your mind operates your body to interface with the vehicle. Video games are surreal worlds created to counter the limitations of the game of life. When can you slam your vehicle into another to gain take-down points? When do you get to dual wield a plasma pistol and SMG to barge into battle without dying? Some people read, play sports, grow plants, everyone else plays video games.