Human beings NEED to take a break once and awhile. A break from work, family, significant others, school, neighbors, even video games. Unfortunately, this need is contradictory to many of our other desires, such as the desire to excel in a career or raise a kid to be a doctor, professional athlete.

Fortunately, you are in luck. You have stumbled onto a post in an obscure blog that contains some information on genuinely useful techniques for giving yourself that break you so deserve. Taking a break, or going on “vacation” as many call it, is an art form. It takes a certain type of disposition to recognize a need for vacation and skill and cunning to actually get out of your obligations and make it happen. Here are three of the biggest hurdles to get over before you can master the art of vacation.

Getting Motivated (i.e. breaking the routine)

If you need help getting the motivation to go on vacation, I have a helpful tip for you: Go out into the middle of the street, put a gun to your head, and……ok, ok, that’s a little harsh. I understand that everyone gets into a routine, maybe even an enjoyable one, and time flies by. Before you know it, you’ve got a penchant for Old Spice cologne and the highlight of your day is checking the weather report. We’re all gonna be there someday, just make sure that you have some interesting memories to keep you company when you get there. That should be motivation enough. Not to mention the fact that everyday you wait to go on vacation, more people are born and places are getting more and more crowded and pollution is changing the face of the earth and more wars are starting… Bottom line: vacations are a chance to free yourself from the worries of everyday life and change your perspective, don’t miss out!

Getting Out of Work (i.e. justifying a vacation)

This is the most common hold-up on making a vacation a reality: convincing your employer to let you go. The timing of the vacation is very important. If you have just started a job, make vacation a requisite for employment, a sort of “offer they can’t refuse” (if you have been at your place of employment for over a year, skip to the next paragraph). Let them hire you, train you, and accept them into their inner circle and then drop the bomb by saying something like: “I know all of your secrets and unless you let me go to Europe for a month on vacation I will ruin you.”

If anyone at your place of employment balks at this tactic, don’t fret, I know a deal-sealing secret trick that works every time. This secret is based on saying one of the following sets of words along with your vacation request: “I’m getting married”, “I’m getting divorced”, or “I’m going to die”. That’s it, take your pick. Whichever one you choose will obviously depend on your situation, but any of the above three phrases make you virtually off-limits to any sniveling, suspicious management or HR personnel out to accuse you of misleading them. Remember, it’s best to decide on a strategy early, and start “planting the seeds” in your co-workers head so it doesn’t appear to come out of the blue. A simple remark at the water cooler to Joe Blow along the lines of “Weekend was good, except that my doctor just told me I have 6 months to live” will reinforce your position and provide you a safety net should Joe Blow be later interrogated by “the man”.

Getting Out of Town (i.e. searching the WWW)

You can’t call it a vacation if you stay home, so get out there on the internet and look up some places to go! Flights, hotels, maps and illicit rendezvous can all be arranged over the internet, and everyone knows you can do this while you are at work, after they have approved your leave, of course. The great thing about this part of the process is that you can ignore many of your daily work tasks because there will be someone covering for you, and they can take care of whatever you don’t have time to do. Keeping this in mind should enable you to take care of all of the details for your vacation over the course of the workweek and leave the weekends open for doing nothing.

The art of vacation cannot be mastered overnight. Indeed, some spend their whole lives trying to master it and never do. Remember the wise words of those who have come before you, learn from their mistakes and successes, and you too may one day find yourself basking in the warm glow of vacation.